Sinking ship

Can't sleep...

There are quite a few things that are my fault; hence the self-hatred. I figured that part out a long time ago, and talked about it here.

There are things that are not my fault; hence the hatred of everyone that caused them.

These are no-brainers.

In a recent (and deleted) post, my anger issues came to light. A day was spent dwelling on it all, thoughts of "maybe he's right, maybe everything is my fault. There's only one way to take care of that..."

Recognizing that jumping in front of a train was not the way to think, I called up the therapist.

The offending post and all of the comments were shown and analyzed. "We've got our work cut out for us!"

I laughed.

"That's a good sign."

It's safer to be anxious than angry, because being angry is like being my dad. I'm terrified at the idea of becoming anything like him. It's why I don't drink - that's one more way to lose control. We got A LOT of material out of that post, but anger is going to be the primary focus for now.

There's also a whole bunch of "mind-reading", assuming what others are thinking of me in a given situation, most of it leaning towards negative. Being mindful of mind-reading will help change all that.

Meanwhile, I took last week off - a much needed vacation. There's really nothing like a bad cold to throw off all your plans. Museum trips will have to wait for another time. Time was spent reformatting my computer or sleeping. One of the hard drives has been fried to the point where no computer recognizes it. All of my artwork, photos, reference, ebooks, and the last few episodes of Doctor Who are pretty much gone. I'm now saving money to have it all recovered. This could take a while...

The previous weekend was spent in Teaneck, helping Morts move stuff around in his new house. They've got a shrub of mint growing in the back yard, which I find much more interesting than the pear tree.

I got a big gut-laugh when the gal that dumped me last year (pool-playing veggie) showed up in the queue of "people you'll like" on a personals site. Er, no. We met through a different site, and had a few good times, but...no.

Regarding the title of this post, things at work are getting more surreal. The art director is leaving for a job in Minnesota on Wednesday. I'm trying to stay positive, but every fiber is screaming "ABANDON SHIP!" If we lose any more people in the creative department, we won't be able to function.