A few weeks ago, I was set up on a date via a mutual friend, who tagged along with us. We had a good time, and she is still interested in me, but is very busy and difficult to get in touch with (can't seem to get those digits!).
Half the time, work is easy; the other half, it's brutal.
I'm going out more, but not really enjoying it. It's great seeing my friends, but it feels like I'm not really there.
Haven't been doing anything creative. Too damn tired/lazy.
Therapy's difficult in that I have homework. I have to make out a chart for my social experiences. In the first column, I list the situation. In the second, the automatic thoughts I have about myself (ex: "I'm an idiot, I don't belong here, I'm too stupid to talk to anyone"). In the third, what my reaction/emotion/behavior is as influenced by column 2.
But that's not how my brain works; it's situation, emotion, behavior, then thoughts about self, after I leave the situation.
On the other side of it, it seems to be working. The doctor said I wouldn't have so many nose bleeds if I just kept my finger out of there.
Wait, that's Ralph Wiggum.
The doctor said, "Bye, everybody!" and died.
No, that was Dr. Nick.
MY doctor said I look brighter than I ever have (in the past two months he's seen me, anyway), and that I've made lots of progress. It doesn't really feel like it, but there is evidence of it, so yay me, or whatever. Like others have said, they'd never guess that I was fucked up by looking at me.
In other news, I've discovered a dead pixel on the new TV. It's under warranty, so I don't have to worry about paying a shit-ton of money to replace it. Digging up the paperwork for that should be fun, as my room is a disaster area, even after all the cleaning I did in preparation for the new equipment.
3 comments:
I wish that I could shake it
I wish that I was free
I wish that I was half the man
I wish that I could be
Nothing ever seems to change
But miles away beneath the waves
There are mountains
Mountains on the ocean floor
They’re rising from the deep
But no one ever sees
No one ever sees
Jeff, believe me when I tell you, when I was my most fucked up, no one knew! I've been in therapy 3 times total and yes, it does help. I'm 10 times the woman today that I was in my 20's and 30's and much of that, to be honest, is due to having been fucked up and learning to get through it. Don't try to be someone you're not, but DO try to be the best someone you can be.
Don't give up on yourself or your job or your social life. It will all gel in good time. In the meantime, have a happy Valentine's Day. I'll be thinking of you!
Just checking to see how you're doing. I hope you're okay. Thinking of you.
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