Retail Therapy

I left the house a few minutes later than I should have and missed a train. The doctor checked the office, saw that I wasn't there, and then went to another meeting.

I made my way through the maze that is the hospital. The gentleman at the desk made every effort to contact the doc, and went out looking for him. The CD player was playing Led Zeppelin, but not nearly as loud as it should have been.

The click-clack of high heels echoed down the hallway.

While the guy was out looking for the doc, he showed up. We went to his office and talked for a while. I was pretty comfortable with him, despite the note-taking. I wanted to say, "here, just read my blog," but that probably wouldn't work.

I talked about my family history of fucked-up-ness, dating history (what history?), social irrelevance (parties, etc), suicide attempts (I was 14). He was shocked to learn that I had never been in therapy before.

He said I "definitely" qualify for the research study. I have to go back on Monday morning (ugh) for a full diagnostic and blood work. And I have to skip breakfast (double ugh).

As I've noted before, they'll prescribe Paxil. It's traditionally used as an anti-depressant, but it's been shown to affect social anxiety as well. After 12 or so weeks, they'll put me in one of two groups. Group A continues the Paxil treatment. Group B does the same, but also gets 12 weeks of cognitive-behavioral therapy. After the six months they'll try to put me in a therapy program, but that's not guaranteed.

Afterwards, I rolled down to 23rd Street to see Carlos, Bowie, & Lynne for five minutes to give them an update. Carlos hadn't seen me since his wedding, so he got his first view of the new look.

I had time to kill, so I visited the Barnes & Noble at Union Square.

*We interrupt your regular broadcast for a public service announcement. Barnes & Noble has a Buy One, Get One Free sale on all television DVD boxed sets. Sale ends January 30th.*

I staked out a bunch of stuff to pick up later, and headed down to the Starbucks at Astor Place to meet up with my teacher/friend Louis, who I haven't seen in over a year.

*We interrupt your regular broadcast for another public service announcement. Starbucks' Caramel Apple Cider is heavenly. Get some. I had two large ones today.*

We talked about work, life, the universe, and everything, as well as the recent developments in my life, and how I'm starting to get help.

Louis' most insightful comment was how grounded and kept together I seem. He would never have guessed that I was having anxiety attacks, that I was feeling so low. He asked, semi-rhetorically, how I managed it.

It may be that I spend so much time thinking & writing about everything. Or it could be that I keep myself distracted enough to not worry about it 24/7.

Louis had to leave & meet his wife, so we parted ways. I went back to B&N and began my indulgent retail therapy. I spent a lot of money, just over $200.

DVDs:

Saturday Night Live Season 1
Looney Tunes vol 4
The Boondocks Season 1
Dead Like Me Season 1

Books:

Edward Hopper's New York
Edward Hopper: Portraits of America
MC Escher: 29 Master Prints
In the Studio: Visits with Contemporary Cartoonists

There was considerably more that I wanted to get. If it weren't for that sale, the total would have been $300. I haven't spent like that in a long damn time.

Going over to Lynne's tomorrow (Saturday) to finish exchanging Christmas gifts. There were delays in shipment.

I'm not done with the side bar yet, but you've got a better idea. When I'm done, I'll explain it all.