I am Murphy's Law given flesh.

This post is brimming with Too Much Information. As such, you'll have to highlight the rest of it.

Also, if you work/have worked in my current office, you really don't want to read this one.

Waaaaaay back when I lived in Brooklyn, I had a house mate who I became rather close with. She and I bonded over bad Mexinese food, and cheesey romantic movies. A few of you reading this have met her and may remember her.

(Not ringing a bell? She was the tall, busty redhead.)

She's a photographer by nature, but became a burlesque dancer after school to pay the bills.

She came over to the office shortly after New Years, and gave me a belated-birthday lapdance, which quickly escalated into her being nearly naked, (big shocker) getting my first kiss ever, and me doing wonderfully naughty things to her.

She did not do wonderfully naughty things to me, because I still had shittons of work to do and I wasn't about to lose my virginity in my goddamn office, on that crusty orange couch that's covered with papers and dust, with nasty solvent fumes, where my boss could walk in at any minute and fire my pale, fat ass.

After I was done fingerfucking her brains out, I had to catch my breath. She said I looked depressed. My heart was racing; I just wasn't prepared for this. Maybe it had to do with the abnormality my EKG picked up.

She got dressed. The fumes were really irritating her and she left shortly after a brief making out session. I've spoken to her once since then, and she didn't seem weirded out by what we did. Hell, she joked about using me. (Is it really using when the used party enjoys it?)

Never in a million years would I expect to be in a "friends with benefits" situation. It's not what I want out of life, and it wholly lacks the emotional & intellectual intimacy I seek. But I'm as lonely as ever and will take pretty much whatever I can get.

And I can't even get that.

I called her & sent text messages, and never got a response.

Then last week I finally got through to her and she says, "I was with another guy after you and now I have herpes."

I thought, steeped in denial, this could end up being her way of toying with my already addled brain (and other parts). She's got that sense of humor. But then she mentioned her doctor, and I stopped laughing.

She's not promiscuous. She's been with no more than four other guys.

So I'm feeling all sorts of sad, pissed off, and cock-blocked. And ripped off; I wasted money on condoms & lube, all for naught.

On the plus side, I no longer have 24-hour mental erections from thinking about her.

Now I'm getting ready for the role of supportive friend again, which I'm quite sick of being. Mike suggested that I could just cut her loose, but I really do care for her. She doesn't have many friends, and no one she can really depend on.

I think Morts put it best:

"Hi, Jeff? This is Life calling. You know that bit of fun you had? Yeah, that was a mistake. We now return you to your regularly scheduled drama and misery."

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I finally got in touch with her last night. That very night we had our fun, she met someone on the train going home. She said that I had rejected her, despite it being her decision to leave.

She was ABSTINENT for five damn years. She could have broken that spell with me (and my 28 years & counting of abstinence, thank you very much), but NOOOOOOO, I had to be responsible and do my job.

Yay, I get to go on another guilt trip.

She didn't even catch herpes by having sex with him; just sleeping with him & wearing his clothes. Apparently he's a bit of a scrub, has slept with many women, is 21 years old, has mold on his chest & other rashes. None of the other women he's been with seem to have caught anything.

She's on medication now, and she's trying to get him some help. He was kicked out of his parents' home when he was 15 for getting a C in a class.

They're apparently strict.

She figured, "well, I already have the disease, we might as well have sex." Yes, they used protection.

She's still kind of dating him, and doesn't know if she should dump him or not. I say dump him, but I have no clue as to how relationships work. She says he's really sweet.

She's not mad at me, and kind of mad at him, but isn't sure she should be because he was just so ignorant.

I'm mad at myself for not skipping work & taking her home. I'm mad because it's the second time I've failed to act, even though I had no way of knowing this time.

I don't know whether I should laugh or cry.

Aw, sure I do. Cry it is.

I'll probably see her again Friday or Monday night, but we obviously aren't going to do anything.

My first kiss, and I can't even do that with her again.

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I was asked recently, "so, what do you do for fun?"

I didn't have an answer.

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What's the point of it all if everything gets exponentially shitty? I'm getting closer & closer to packing everything up and becoming a hermit.