Tenderness and Intimacy

The first person I felt really close to was Rachel E, an English woman who lived in the apartment above me all four years at SVA. We clicked immediately because of our love for silly cartoons and British comedies. She and I would cuddle up on the couch and giggle ourselves to sleep. Rachel was the first person who wasn't family to kiss me on the cheek regularly. In our second year, her roommate Clarissa would join us. It was really nice; one of the few times I'd ever felt comfortable in my own skin. That is a rare thing.

It would come again when Lynne and I were together briefly. There's something about her that, to this day I can't put my finger on, but I felt comfortable with her. Although romance never worked out, our friendship just grew stronger, especially after college. While she may not be all that comfortable with being touchy, she understands it.

A year after college, I met Inger. Like I said in a previous post, our eyes locked and we simply saw directly into each other. The days we spent together while I was searching for a job and she was distraught by a personal situation, we were wrapped around each other. Our affection was magnified by our similarities.

Two years later, Louise and I bonded over Amelie and air conditioning. We'd fall asleep in each others' arms, our bellies full of "Mexi-nese" nachos. Once I woke up to the sensation of her fingers on the back of my neck. I tilted my head and kissed her forehead. In the morning, I told her how it made me feel like a human being for once.

When I met Trish, I was very surprised by how affectionate she is towards me, especially since she barely knew me. We used to work together, but school work took priority. Last Friday night she went to celebrate a co-worker's birthday, and got...a TAD drunk. She swung by my office afterwards. Trish put her arms around me and said "hug me hard...harder." We sat down on the couch. She put her head down on my thigh, clasped her hands around it and drifted in and out of sleep. I put my left hand on hers, and she sighed/moaned softly as I gently stroked her hair. On the cab ride to her place, she curled right up to me and we held hands, playfully thumbwrestling without any effort.

That level of affection made the past three miserable weeks worth it. It also reminded me of what I have to offer when I (eventually) start dating again.