"I don't want someone with 'issues.'"

I have a profile up on a few internet dating sites. Meeting women in real life is about as easy for me as it is easy for ants to build skyscrapers. I go to work and sit in front of a computer all day. I come home and sit in front of a computer all night. I sit here and chat with friends I hardly ever get to see, and work on art projects that may or may not ever see the light of day.

In case you missed the title of this site, I'm rather shy & quiet. (Yet I seem to be perfectly comfortable humiliating myself here for the world to see.) I never know what to say to someone I've just met; or in the case of online personals, have yet to meet. Because of my family and some former friends, I have trust issues. My biggest obstacle is breaking the ice and being comfortable with someone new.

Before I continue, a few words about bars & clubs. What's the point? Yes, I know, those places are just about quick hookups, and I want something better than that. And it helps if you drink, which I don't, EVER. Still, even if alcohol weren't part of the problem, I can't HEAR anything over the billion-decibel backbeat that threatens to disrupt my heartbeat.

The personals sites have been about as fruitful as the Sahara. While I'm not picky at all about looks, I have to at least think she has a cute smile. If her profile mentions something that I think we'd have in common, I try to connect with that. I figure if we can talk about that for a half-hour or so, it'd be worth the trip to the cafe. Sometimes, we connect very well, through emails and long phone conversations. When we meet face to face, one or the other of us looses interest -usually her, though. Am I that intimidating? I go back and look at more profiles to find something in common, but one phrase keeps popping up over & over again: "I don't want someone with 'issues.'"

Excuse me? I'm sorry, but if you don't have issues, then it appears as though you've never overcome any hardships. You've had everything handed to you, and you don't have an opinion about anything. As fucked up as my life has been, I wouldn't trade it for anything. I want someone who's had to deal with some shit. I want someone who's made heavy decisions in her life, and has shouldered the consequences. I want a woman who thinks about more than just what kind of eye shadow matches the puny little rat-dog she carries around in her purse.

If that sounds mean & condescending, it's not meant to. It's just frustrating when you get coldly rejected by someone you've never met, saying your life is too complicated. It's really dehumanizing, and it makes me feel more invisible & worthless to everyone else.