You know what I love about weddings?
Watching three morbidly obese women slam into each other trying to catch the bouquet.
You know what I hate about weddings?
When the groom turns around and tucks the garter into my breast pocket.
A tip for anyone who's forced into the position of touching the inner thigh of someone you've never met and you're not thrilled by the sudden prospects. Say, "I'm sorry, I can't do it. I'm not good enough for her."
You'll avoid causing a scene, and no one's feelings will be hurt.
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